even in paradise.
it manifests in everything I thought I knew,
a boundless dissonance that has saturated my world for reasons I don't understand -
looking over my shoulder to find everyone has turned their backs
at the premise of my failures or mistakes,
wanting to scream at the slightest fault
and not knowing why,
wanting to walk alone at 3am in the darkness
in endless rumination
wondering why the ego makes our spirit suffer -
why it wants to challenge the spirit relentlessly,
why everything has to be a fight for happiness.
and I stay boggled,
feeling like a machine with its heart on spindles,
limbs functioning at the expense of socialized blueprints,
wondering if it is illusion or not
that my world
is so often
and devoid of love.
what is this feeling,
the artificial reinforcement of mankind?