Disappointments/reflections. (3.3.18)

I hate knowing

at the end of the night

you didn't wonder where I was,

you didn't just miss the way my figure feels

but how your thoughts find their way around mine,

how a strong spirit manifests,

how it altruistically gives when the feeling is right.

 

Maybe I expect too much and that's my imminent flaw.

but maybe it's that I won't settle

for meaningless action,

having seen the narrative repeat itself so many times over

waiting as if the antagonist might someday become good,

as if I might actually find the respect that I deserve -

the man that knows

that even if he abandons the labels,

even beyond the construct of time,

he remains bound to the orbit,

an inexplicable magnetism,

watches how she glows in the dark

and is marveled each time.

 

And I know it'll be too late by the time you realize -

the special kind of energy

that she yields

simply will not turn up

when you find yourself

searching for it

in the palms of someone else.

 

My optimism keeps expiring.

It could be more correct to say

my imminent flaw

is knowing that the number of people

who cannot bear the weight

of this being

is perplexing.

 

I can only anticipate

watching my mom cry the tears that no longer have the energy to come out of me

when she hears

it happened

to her beautiful daughter

again

 

-the real world

Sasha BerlinerComment