Goodfight (8.25.18)

I vow to only see you now in my periphery,

coming from a universe with different kinds of societal laws.

It won't make sense,

and I cannot beat myself over the head if it doesn't,

if you're confused,

and I'm not.

I could wish for clarity but

you've aged a year or two too much

for genies to seem useful.

When we embrace the reality,

there is no god

no spell

no immediate disappearing act that can save

when you realize your heart could be broken

and you can't shake it.

but living with these hardships causes the deepest scars,

makes my skin stay hard like plaster

so I can't get you under my skin

like you once did.

thorns that have grown so sharp over the years

to cope with that which won't disappear

when we are so desperate we scavenge our imaginations for things

we pray will make our pain go away.

I hate that I wonder if you still think about me

as if it matters at all

when there is nothing I could do.

what I hate most

is that you trick me

into thinking

I could never be loved

in the right way

as if to ask the blind if they can identify

the person in front of them

and expect it to be credible.

And so you can patter with her

and pretend things are alright but

don't pull off the curtains

when you tell me to marvel at the rising sun

and it never comes

-not a fight worth having

Sasha Berliner1 Comment