I vow to only see you now in my periphery,
coming from a universe with different kinds of societal laws.
It won't make sense,
and I cannot beat myself over the head if it doesn't,
if you're confused,
and I'm not.
I could wish for clarity but
you've aged a year or two too much
for genies to seem useful.
When we embrace the reality,
there is no god
no immediate disappearing act that can save
when you realize your heart could be broken
and you can't shake it.
but living with these hardships causes the deepest scars,
makes my skin stay hard like plaster
so I can't get you under my skin
like you once did.
thorns that have grown so sharp over the years
to cope with that which won't disappear
when we are so desperate we scavenge our imaginations for things
we pray will make our pain go away.
I hate that I wonder if you still think about me
as if it matters at all
when there is nothing I could do.
what I hate most
is that you trick me
I could never be loved
in the right way
as if to ask the blind if they can identify
the person in front of them
and expect it to be credible.
And so you can patter with her
and pretend things are alright but
don't pull off the curtains
when you tell me to marvel at the rising sun
and it never comes
-not a fight worth having